[Modesty compels me to point out that this post has
been archived at the suggestion of others - SE.]

From: Mario Mozzarella
Date: 8 September 2001
Subject: An opportunity wasted...

RSSers may or may not believe me when I state that Argentina's recent
victory over Brasil did not come as a source of unrestrained joy to me.

For one thing, victory against a plucky if mediocre squad is scarcely
worth getting excited about, especially when one's own nation has
long-since qualified for the World Cup. But at a time when Argentina's
futbol supremacy is no longer even a matter for debate amongst those
of sound mind, this victory places an unnecessary and undeserved
blemish on an otherwise immaculate record. Argentina has already
claimed the titles of world's best, fairest and most attractive futbol team,
although the first of these is still pending official if inevitable
confirmation on 30th June 2002.

The additional title of world's most environmentally-friendly national
squad was snatched from our grasp on Wednesday night. Argentina
had it within its power to prevent the Amazon rainforest from receiving
yet another pounding, but failed to do the decent thing and settle for a
1-1 tie.

On the other hand, they did graciously award their visitors a goal
start. But not even the generous combination of Argentinian magnanimity
and Swiss officials (no doubt operating under direct orders from Sepp)
could entirely negate Brasilian defensive incompetence (these brasucas can
be so stubborn in matters involving their cherished traditions!)

Of course,  Argentina must share at least some of the blame.
El Piojo must surely have known the inevitable consequence of a dangerous
cross played into the Brasilian penalty area so late in such a crucial
game. Sure enough, a typical specimen bearing the name "Cris" (what a
fix the Brasucas must be in when they can no longer even provide their
second-rate defenders with decent nicknames), managed to send
tens of millions of hands plunging into tens of millions of Kleenex boxes
with one inelegant swing of his boot.

Before I leave, I will answer a question that has no doubt been
troubling you since the events of Wednesday. What, you have been asking,
is that strange noise growing ever louder in the background? That, my dear
RSSer, is the sound of 150 million brasucas praying desperately and in
hushed tones that, by the time World Cup qualifying concludes in November,
Brasil is FOURTH.


[If the real thing isn't going to put in an appearance (and I gave him
four days), we may as well do it by the numbers.