Subject: Re: Make Referees Professional
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli) 
Date: February 14, 1997

Nigel Phillips (nphillip@iol.ie) wrote:
>What I'm proposing would not cost fans, clubs or FIFA any money: let the
>referees wear sponsors on their jersey!

I agree. Every FIFA referee should have the CBF sign on his back (unless 
he's made other arrangements).

From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject:  Re: UEFA leg in WC qualifying
Date: Feb 17, 1997

ricardo de queiroz (queiroz@wrc.xerox.com) wrote:
>Does anyone know the reason for the 9 group WCQ format? 

Clinically, it is mathematical illiteracy coupled with a bad case of 
the QT's. Behaviorally, they left it up to Sepp and his local bartenders.

Subject: Re: WC 2006 in Brasil and Argentina
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli) 
Date: February 20, 1997

Irineu Carvalho (carvalho@mit.edu) wrote:
>Ariel Mazzarelli wrote:
>> In essence, however, there would be a very serious qualifying
>> series to determine who would host the final game. I expect
>> the brasucas to look for a way to weasel out of this one,
>> maybe under the "Japan" doctrine--he who uses birth control
>> less gets the final.
>What about: he who won more world cups gets the final.

Like I said--already looking for a way to weasel out of playing us.

Besides, what do you want the final for? What if you have to
play Uruguay again? Or us, for that matter. Have you removed
all the funeral decorations from Maracana yet?

No. I think it is better for the health of all brasucas that
Maracana never host a WC final again. The pain of losing would
be too great, and you could kiss the rain forest goodbye after
all the kleenex were used up.

From: el taff (stephen.davies@bbsrc.ac.uk)
Subject: Promethean Destruction
Date: Mar 7, 1997
[EC1 qf: Manchester United 4 Porto 0]

Quite an apt anagram of "Manchester United - Porto"
don't you think?

Promethean - n. original, creative, life-enhancing

Easily the most enjoyable performance by an English team against
high quality European opposition in years. Let's hope it wasn't
a one-off.

From: manoel@cs.umd.edu (Manoel Mendonca)
Subject: Re: Brazil: national team's calendar
Date: 15 Apr 1997

(aml@rio.nutecnet.com.br) wrote:

> Brazil's national team games calendar, as released by Nike:
> April 30, in  Miami's Orange Bowl, friendly match against Mexico
> at 7pm local time.
> May 30, in Oslo, friendly against Norway
> French tournment in June :
> June  3rd, in Lyon, Brazil x France,  8:45pm local time
> June  8th, in Lyon, Brazil x Italy,   8:30pm local time
> June 10th, in  Ris, Brazil x England, 8:30pm local time

I already can see the headlines from Reuters' future articles:

"Brazil continues to play against minnows"
"Brazil has won another meaningless game"
"Ronaldo scores two, but he cheated on the second one"
"Romario scores a hat trick against a defenseless team"
"Full strength Brazil beats handicapped European side"

Man, I will love it ... :-)

[results w/ Brazil first: 4-0, 2-4, 1-1, 3-3, 1-0]

From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: Re: Brazil: national team's calendar
Organization: RSS Committee on the Treatment of Neurological Disorders
Date: 16 Apr 1997

>Brazil's national team games calendar, as released by Nike:
It's nice to see that Nike is giving the brasucas advance notice. But
wouldn't it be better to clear the schedule with some other outfit,
like, say, Kleenex?

From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: Re: David Beckham rocked by an acute case of Dani Behr Syndrome
Date: 16 Apr 1997

So, in essence, you're saying that

(Spice Girls + Marketing):Music <--> (English Futbol + Envious RSSers):Futbol

There is a certain global consistency principle in all this.

From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hepp.uio.no)
Subject: Norway v Scotland mudslinging that somehow resulted from Re: Watch out France, here we come!
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 1997

Concerned Jambo wrote [and both I and your family members applaud you
for using an alias]:

> [snip!]
> Put us [Scotland] in a group with England, Norway, Sweden, Belgium and 
> Switzerland and we'd still be clear at the top.

No, Norway would be clear at the top. Put Norway in a group with
Argentina, Italy, Brazil, Germany, and Uruguay and we'd still be clear
at the top. Put Greenland in the group and it gets a bit iffy.

Ask your average football fan from Europe "Who is currently better, 
Norway or Scotland?" and they will answer "Who cares?". Ask your average 
football fan from the rest of the world "Who is currently better, Norway 
or Scotland?" and they will answer "What team do they play for?".

From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hepp.uio.no)
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 1997 
Subject: Re: Norway v Scotland mudslinging that somehow resulted from Re: Watch out France, here we come!

Concerned Jambo [how about getting concerned about your lack of reading
skills?] wrote:
> [flames me for someone else's opinion + tacks on pathetic attempt 
> at a witty remark]

I was about to reply when I realized I was arguing with a fictional
character about a non-existent comment, and it just became too
metaphysical for me.

But before I get into any more trouble with Scottish RSSers: based on
what I saw in Euro96 and the game in Monaco, Scotland are currently one
of the top five countries in the world - and if you want to ensure the
FIFA ranking you so richly deserve, the Swiss bartenders are meeting at
8pm next Tuesday at the Geneva Hilton.

Subject: Re: [R] Sao Paulo - Juventus
Date: 6 May 1997
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

One of the interesting things about RSS is that sometimes you get to flame
both a post and the post that was being flamed by it.

Iterative flaming.

Benny (Benny@benman.demon.co.uk) wrote:
>> Subject: Re: [R] Sao Paulo - Juventus                 18 /   36 lines
>> From: "Juliano Mendes" (jumendes@ix.netcom.com) at Preferred Company
>> Please Benny, do not include Brazilian teams in your comments. Players from
>> Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay, Chile are realy assassins.
>> Our players arrive destroyed in Brazil after playing the Libertadores Cup.
>> Anti-footbal is the specialty of Argentines.
>> Santos, So Paulo, Flamengo and Gremio played fair games and used the
>> Brazilian superiority in soccer to beat the opponents.
>> Juliano

No wonder I killfiled this specimen. Netcom going to a pointyclickwebby format
(you know them by the "ix" prefix), like aol... has not done us well.

>Sao Paulo outplayed Barca but they played anti-football against Milan, Gremio
>did the same against Ajax and River did the same against Juve. Given the
>Intercontinental Cup is played in the heat of Tokyo, you would expect the 
>South American teams to do the running but that hasn't been the case recently.

It was that Tokio heat that gave us the Pe~arol-Porto final played in the 
snow, remember? Oh, I know, that was before your time. Still, don't they give
geography lessons at your school? Oh, I know, that is not yet your grade.

Bennito, please, for the sake of your health, do not post before taking 
your medication!

From: cmorris@ccnet.com (Colin Morris)
Subject: Re: That Politics--Football--hooliganism thing
Date: Wed, 07 May 97

"Mr X" (nobby@netcomuk.co.uk) wrote:
>The worst team in Engalnd for this is Chelsea. There are many Chelsea fans
>who are right wing, racist, facist, thugs.

You mean like John Major and David Mellor? I see your point.

Subject: Re: What they say about United's Championship
Date: Mon, 12 May 1997 12:22:04 GMT
From: Snaps@kavana.u-net.com (Snaps)


>         Champions          Runners-up
> 1946-47 Liverpool          Manchester United
> 1947-48 Arsenal            Manchester United
> 1948-49 Portsmouth         Manchester United
> 1949-50 Portsmouth         Wolverhampton W
> 1950-51 Tottenham H        Manchester United

If the ABU's had access to a time machine, I think this would be their
era of preference (after a quick stop-over to January 2, 1996, to lay a
bet on a Man United league win at 14-1).

Subject: The Roker Roar in full force
Date: Mon, 12 May 1997 18:17:50 GMT
From: Snaps@kavana.u-net.com (Snaps)

Later this week the last ever game at Roker Park will be played.
Relegated Sunderland will be taking on the fourth-best team in England,

A great atmosphere is anticipated, the two teams will be 'up for it',
I'm sure. Fans have already been told to arrive early and warned not to
bring any sharp, metallic office stationery to the ground, following
fears that the dropping of pins could deafen the north-east.

Subject: Re: English club offers $40 million for Raul
Date: 14 May 1997 11:09:49 +0200
From: Steve Jones - JON (jon@hpodid2.eurocontrol.fr)

msantam69@aol.com (MSantam69) writes:
> A fax was received in Real Madrid from an "english club" offering $40
> million for Raul. This offer is still not high enough to cover Raul's
> transfer fee because of the new contract the player signed a month ago.

Looks like Gresley Rovers are thinking big for next season.

Subject: Re: Who won Division Three in England?
Date: 15 May 1997 00:06:01 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Stephen Mulrine (stephen@moroder.scotnet.co.uk) wrote:
>Every league table I've seen in the press has Wigan as champions of Division
>Three, with Fulham in second place.  Both teams have the same number of
>points, but Wigan's goal difference is +33 (84-51) and Fulham's is +34
>(72-38).  Why aren't Fulham champions instead?

The FA conducted a survey and Wigan was found to have a nicer stadium,
so they get the trophy.

Subject: Re: Who won Division Three in England?
Date: 15 May 1997 11:35:10 -0700
From: cmorris@ccnet.com (Colin Morris)

Clearly you've never been to Springfield Park on a wet winter

Subject: Re: Who won Division Three in England?
Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 12:20:19 -0700
From: steve d (stephen.davies@bbsrc.ac.uk)

There are three principal reasons for this shameful state of affairs:

1) The programme seller at Craven Cottage has an Argentinian wife - under
FIFA statute it states:

"... whilst under the control of the Havelange Foundation, any football
club which employs a programme seller whose wife does not dance to the samba
beat shall have 2 points deducted..."

2) Jimmy Hill - enough said.

3) The delusional Man Utd fans - with all 4 divisional trophies going to clubs
in the greater Manchester area they can now claim it's some sort of Man Utd centre
of excellence whilst ignoring the fact that the major contributors to the team over
their last 4 titles have been:

Schmeichel - Danish
Irwin - Irish
Giggs - Welsh
Cantona - French
Pallister - Middlesbrough
Keane - Irish

Keep the Red Cheque Book flying high.

Subject: Re: [T/R] Andorra Round 17
Date: 15 May 1997 09:56:09 GMT
From: stokkerm@cosy.sbg.ac.at (Karel Stokkermans)

Ariel Mazzarelli writes:
> >Sant Julia   4-1 Spordany
> Damn! This was a close one.

The 13th round was even better: Inter 2-1 Spordany.  Schalke would be
happy with such a score next Wednesday...
> >Table:
> >10.Deportivo Massana  17  4  5  8 22-33 17
> >11.Gimnastic Valira   17  2  4 11 22-61 10
> >12.Spordany Juvenil   17  0  0 17 18-106 0
> So is there any possibility that we will be able to avoid relegation?

Certainly.  As far as I know, there is no second division.

Subject: Knowledge = Yacht
Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 14:06:53 +0200
From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hepp.uio.no)

I know it's every rsser's God-given right to present conjecture as fact,
but why not use your vast knowledge of football to set up a life of
luxury? For example, instead of ascertaining that Team M would have won
Trophy E if they had only bought Striker $, why not just accept things
as they are - mortgage the house, sell the kids, and place your money
on Striker $ to be top-scorer and Team J to win the trophy.

NB! Before you take the plunge into destitution, note that harsh reality
may interfere with your plans, eg in the guise of bone-crunching Defender 

Alphabetically yours,

PS Another thing - any serious World XI _must_ include Nelson (left back)
and Oedipus (outside right).

Subject: Re: [T/R] Andorra Round 19
Date: 21 May 1997 21:00:01 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Karel Stokkermans wrote:
>Round 19 [May 11]
>Les Bons     1-8 Principat
>Inter        0-0 Massana
>Aldosa       1-0 S Coloma
>Encamp       7-2 Sant Julia
>Gimnastic    1-9 Veterans
>Engordany   10-0 Spordany

6 games, 39 goals: 6.5 goals per game average. Rotten Al, book a 
flight to Andorra and grab a copy of their rulebook--it's your
kind of league!


PS: No offense intended to the head of the Andorran futbol federation,
who surely knows more about futbol than Rotten Al.

Subject: Re: [T/R] Andorra Round 19
Date: 22 May 1997 09:46:48 GMT
From: stokkerm@cosy.sbg.ac.at (Karel Stokkermans)

> 6 games, 39 goals: 6.5 goals per game average.

Yes, and only 2 out of 6 matches interesting (and with 1 goal together...).

Apparently the average age of the league leaders, Veterans, is 42, the keeper
is around 50.  The team consists of former players of Spanish Segunda B (third
division) side Andorra.  All matches in the Andorran league are played after
each other on the only "pitch" they have (at least Malta has two these days).

Average attendance is about 20 (depends on how much family is around).

And one of these teams (Veterans or Principat) is going to play in the UEFA 
Cup at least ;-).

Subject: Re: [T/R] San Marino Round 22 and playoffs
Date: 21 May 1997 21:13:01 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Karel Stokkermans wrote:
>Virtus       awd Murata        [awarded 3-0, Murata played with 4 Italians]

Reverse oriundi?

>Fiorita      4-4 Faetano       [Fiorita 9-8 pen]
>Folgore       -  Cailungo

I like Fiorita to take it all. Will the San Jose Clash defend
the honor of the ML$ with a visit to San Marino?

Subject: Re: Newcastle - toon army ?
Date: Sun, 25 May 1997 18:12:48 GMT
From: Snaps@kavana.u-net.com (Snaps)

rhope@flash.net wrote:

>Can someone tell me why the Newcastle supporters
>are called the "toon army" ?

Toon -- short for 'cartoon', Mickey Mouse, Kooky Kenny, Kleenex Kev etc.

Army -- what else are you supposed to call a 16,000 legion of people
that has had to draft in an extra 20,000 in the last 5 years?
And may I just say for the record that it's a lovely war.

Subject: Re: Aston Villa-Los Angeles Galaxy match story
Date: Tue, 27 May 1997 23:50:05 GMT
From: Snaps@kavana.u-net.com (Snaps)

whg@acpub.duke.edu (WILLIAM GAY) wrote:

>Colin Morris (cmorris@ccnet.com) wrote:
>>As to English fans being sophisticated, well, at least they wouldn't tolerate 
>>shootouts in their league.

>On the other hand, they tolerate Vinnie Jones in their league!   ;]

But at least in England we have a kind of unspoken tacit agreement with
Vinny, whereby we all pretend he's Welsh to spare everyone's blushes.

Subject: Things Not To Say To Women
Date: Tue, 27 May 1997 23:12:24 BST
From: stephen@moroder.scotnet.co.uk (Stephen Mulrine)

[Disclaimer: this wasn't me.]

Her: "I come fourth in your life, after the pub, your mates, and football!"

Him: "Look on the bright side - you're challenging for a UEFA Cup spot."

Subject: Ours is clearly bigger
Date: 28 May 1997 03:42:00 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Compare and constrast:

1. Diego scoring with the Hand that God gave Him, which no television
   replay could ever hope to catch. Afterwards, He owned up to the deed
   and let the history that begun in 1966 take its course.

2. An English Negro cheating against South Africa, and the 
   television/reuters crowd celebrating and excusing the act.

I'd say we win by a good five centimeters in length and circumference.

Subject: Re: The Old Lady shows the world her incontinence pants
Date: Thu, 29 May 1997 22:58:55 GMT
From: Snaps@kavana.u-net.com (Snaps)

Karel Stokkermans wrote:

>You [Man Utd] have been beaten home and away by both finalists.  You 
>haven't scored a goal against either of them in 360 minutes.  And they 
>should learn from you?

"As for Brann, they may have knocked out PSV, but that hardly means they
were the better team in any sense"

Thank you and goodnight.

Subject: Re: [R/T] WCQ Asia Group 2 
Date: 09 Jun 1997 10:22:43 +0200
From: Steve Jones - JON (jon@hpodid2.eurocontrol.fr)
[previous round: Iran 17 Maldives 0]

> Kyrgyzstan 3
> Maldives 0
> Alexander Kozanov 4, Alexander Merznikin 23, Raytik Bosobov 25

Go the Maldives, thats now 65 mins since they last conceeded a goal,
they're improving.

Subject: Re: Dunga says Shearer can't compare to Brazil's strikers
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: July 9, 1997

Fabio Martinelli Duarte (NoAddress@News.groups>) wrote:
>Gerson, the brains in the unforgettable 70 Brazilian team once said "You
>know who can really play soccer when a team makes the ball run, and not
>the players." You can't say that team didn't also play a direct,
>attacking, skilled, intelligent soccer.

They once asked Bochini what he thought about that Dutch guy Cruyff,
and Bochini replied that "he runs a lot, but he's a good player".

Subject: Re: "Why England won't win any World Cup from now on"
Date: 11 Aug 1997 15:37:33 +0200
From: bds@rzg.mpg.de (Bruce Scott TOK)

Lee Banyard wrote:
|> It's been proven time and again that this _was_ in fact a goal.  Every
|> scientific study of the films of the match show that it _was_ a goal.
|> There really is no room for discussion here.

Well, I thought the English scientists proved scientifically that it was
a goal, and the German scientists proved scientifically that it was
mechanically impossible to have been a goal.

Footie passion conquers all.

Subject: Re: "Why England won't win any World Cup from now on"
Date: Mon, 11 Aug 97 15:41:35 GMT
From: Lee Banyard (Lee@messiah2.demxn.cx.uk)

It seems that the German scientists studied the _theory_ as to why it
shouldn't have been a goal, while the English actually studied the films
(very closely).  I prefer the latter, as in theory Roberto Carlos'
banana goal during Le Tournoi was quite impossible.  And I'm pretty
sure I saw it go in. :)

Subject: Re: Capello the cretin...ENCORE! BIS!
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 1997 15:17:30 -0700
From: steve d (stephen.davies@bbsrc.ac.uk)

Paul Mettewie wrote:
(snip Riffster's reply to Benny)

> > Capello is a winner, I virtually guarantee Capello will win Milan a scudetto
> > within two seasons.
> I could almost change my policy of not saving any NG threads
> on this one Benny. Almost. But don't worry, even an old man
> like me can remember this fateful statement.

But what you should ask yourself is:

Is Benny's virtual guarantee worth the virtual paper it's written on? 

And will Capello win a virtual scudetto within two virtual seasons?

Subject: Re: How much did Newcastle pay the ref.?
Date: 29 Aug 1997 12:04:57 GMT
From: hm@custard.bnsc.rl.ac.uk (Huw Morris)

Stefan Kahrs wrote:
> Perhaps not.
> But it's quite likely that they _introduced_ the fair play award
> for that reason,  i.e. to give England an extra place when they
> came back after the Heyssel ban.  In other words, they only introduced
> the fair play award qualification place when it was clear that England
> would snatch it in that year.

You know, I've come to the conclusion that Jambo is having a huge
laugh at our expense. Surely nobody could be that thick, that bigotted,
have such an inferiority complex about the English, could they?

And then Stefan comes along and proves me wrong.

Subject: Re: British addicts XI...
Date: 03 Sep 1997 16:08:20 +0200
From: Steve Jones - JON (jon@hpodid2.eurocontrol.fr)

yvassetz@moka.ccr.jussieu.fr (Yegor) writes:

> How about Jim Baxter, a master dribbler of ball and glass. Its a pity its
> just British players as Bernard lama springs (well falls awkwardly) to
> mind.

If it was opened up to the international world then there would be a huge
debate on whether Maradonna or Best was/is the biggest addict :-)

Subject: Re: RSS Archives!
Date: Thu, 04 Sep 1997 20:38:59 +0200
From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hfstud.uio.no)

Please Don't Ignore Me (dick-head@geocities.com) wrote:
> >
> >the RSS Archives [...] has been updated 
> Hurra! [...] JIPPI!!. 

While I appreciate your enthusiasm, I hope you weren't disappointed when
you found out that RSS stood for "rec.sport.soccer" and not


PS And if you intend to keep up your macho posturing, you should be
aware that writing "jippi" instead of "yippee" makes you look like a
Swedish yak farmer.

Subject: Re: RSS Archives!
Date: Sat, 06 Sep 1997 15:21:43 +0200
From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hfstud.uio.no)

Please Don't Ignore Me (dick-head@geocities.com) jumped up and down and
> ["ME! ME! ME! Look at me! Over here! HELLLOOOO! Hey, 'Stigmund'! 
> 'Stigfrid'! Ha ha, I'm calling you by silly names! JIPPI! Please 
> look at me! Hey, listen to this! 'Ariel and Stig sitting in a tree, 
> K-I-S-S-I-N-G'! Ha ha, bet that made you mad! Hey, look at me! If 
> you ignore me any more I'll hold my breath until my face turns blue!"] 

September 15th I'm voting for the party that promises to increase
foreign aid - we obviously need more daycare centers in Sweden.

Subject: On the wisdom of spellcheckers
Date: Tue, 09 Sep 1997 01:27:38 GMT
From: maf6@cornell.edu (Max Attar Feingold)

 Following Benny's fine example, I shall report on a singular event
that just transpired, involving myself and my spellchecker.

 Using Agent, my spellchecker balked at the word "Havelange."  The
second word that came up as a suggestion was "Hate monger."

 Spellcheckers are indeed wise in the ways of the world.

Subject: Re: On the wisdom of spellcheckers
Date: Tue, 09 Sep 1997 20:53:06 GMT
From: Snaps@kavana.u-net.com (Snaps)

I quite like "hardhanded" and "hairlipped" too.

Just for the record, here are a few of the recommended suggestions that
the Agent spell-checker offers for some of the, ah, luminaries that post
to RSS:

Mazzarelli -- Maniacally, Maharishi, Massacres, Margaret (Oh boy, do I
love that last one).

Stokkermans -- Stockkeeper, Storerooms, Statesmanlike, Stableman.

Carvalho -- Carwashes.

Jambo -- Jammed.

Freitas -- Freemason (yet he still dares to talk about conspiracies)

Feingold (assuming this is your real name) -- Feigning, Feminised.

Subject: Re: Maradona is back
Date: 10 Sep 1997 15:20:01 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Here's one conspiracy: in the eyes of, say, Reuters, Diego is permanently 
guilty. If you do not see that, just think of it as a failed IQ test.

Subject: Re: Maximum Effort 
Date: 11 Sep 1997 09:34:00 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Paul Mettewie wrote:
>Ariel - for being a River Plate fan

First the newbie calls me an "artichoke", now you call me a gallina?
What's next, royalist? Pedophile? USA republican?

Makes one want to go off to Australia again and NOT come back.

Subject: Re: CFV: rec.sport.soccer.diana
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 00:26:44 -0500
From: Paul Mettewie (panino@ix.netcom.com)

Benny wrote:

> I have a good 12 hours of just goals on video tapes, the best goals I have
> seen over 7 years and footage prior to that. I study finishing son, I know
> the difference. You don't.

So far the only thing that you've convinced me you have
studied is your attitude of arrogance.

-Riff"And even that ain't none too good, pallie..."Ster

Subject: Re: CFV: rec.sport.soccer.diana
Date: 17 Sep 1997 09:15:52 GMT
From: dustinc@bnr.ca (Dustin Christmann)

Benny wrote:

>I didn't need to study arrogance, it's an attitude nurtured by a decade of 

...however vicarious it may be.

Subject: Re: Ronaldo and Inter - Take a good look
Date: Sun, 21 Sep 1997 21:04:12 -0500
From: Paul Mettewie (panino@ix.netcom.com)
[Inter 3 0 0, Milan 0 2 1]

Giovanni wrote:

> Not 'everyone', Benny. It's a marketing ploy which is attracting a lot of
> suckers. Inter fans are at the top!

And Milan fans are at the bottom. We'll take the top, thank you!

Subject: RFD: rec.sport.soccer.math (was Re: God Loves Norway And Drillo)
Date: Mon, 22 Sep 1997 20:28:41 +0200
From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hfstud.uio.no)

Please Don't Ignore Me ("richard.head"@sweden) wrote:
> [calls me "Petter" (which I suppose should make me feel devastated but 
> for some odd reason doesn't), whines that I don't respect the sanctity 
> of his alias, claims to have seen "many" Norwegian internationals and
> on that basis justifies his attack on Drillo, etc, etc]

All that's really needed here is some simple math.

Drillo's record in competitive games: 37 23 9 5 73-18. You label him a
"complete and utter loser", mathematically expressed as "(23 + 9/2)/37 < 

Norway have scored 17 goals in the last 7 games: 9 from outplaying the
defense, 3 from solo efforts, 2 from corners, 2 from long-range shots,
and 1 - one - from a long ball move. You claim that Norway's play is
based on "defensive air-balls", mathematically expressed as "1/17 >>

I can just see the tabloid headlines:




and eventually


Subject: Re: Serie A Week 2
Date: 23 Sep 1997 13:29:03 GMT
From: mdpaserm@login5.fas.harvard.edu (Marco Paserman)

>If you mean Falcao, he was also quite a good player. Not Maradona's
>class, but definitely a quality player.

Not quite correct. Falcao led Roma to its second scudetto. The first one
was in the 1941-42 season. Key players on that team were centerforward
Amedeo Amadei (a striker? a forward? a finisher? who knows?) and some guy
called Benito...

Conspiracy theories again?

Subject: Re: King Benny
Date: 23 Sep 1997 13:23:25 +0200
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

Huw Morris writes:
> Oh please. We West Brom supporters do have *some* standards you know.
> Benny strikes me as more of a Wolves fan in that he sees a different
> game to the rest of us.

Naah if he was a Wolves fan he'd be bitching about the management of the
club all the time and moaning about the ridiculous wages of the imported

He's more of a Port Vale fan, nobody cares what he thinks.

Subject: Good News / Bad News
Date: 1 Oct 1997 15:59:57 -0700
From: howardh@leland.Stanford.EDU (Howard Hugh Hamilton)

Good News: I just realised that I can watch Champions' League
           soccer between classes on ESPN!

Bad News:  I just realised that ESPN's soccer schedule is no
           guarantee that they will actually follow it. 

Subject: Re: english, go to soc.culture.tea
Date: 7 Oct 1997 20:16:14 GMT
From: dustinc@bnr.ca (Dustin Christmann)

Danny  (Danny@superbike.honda.demon.co.uk) wrote [to an American idiot]:
>Thank you for reminding us all how lucky we are that twats like you
>don't live in this country.

Don't get too puffed up with pride.  Benny still lives in England.

Subject: Re: Why care so much about what I say?
Date: 09 Oct 1997 09:52:26 +0200
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

tvalente@chat.carleton.ca (tacio valente) writes:
{blank message no content}

Ummmm I love this new content intelligent filter :-)

Subject: Re: The world football team [vs. team from another planet]
Date: 16 Oct 1997 12:37:33 +0200
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

Craig McDowall (mcdowc@tetraworld.com) writes:
>    Leighton, Burley, McKinlay, Boyd, Hendry, Calderwood, Lambert,
> Collins, McAllister, Durie, Gallacher.
> Who needs subs.

Very nice of you to conceed the game to the aliens :-)

Subject: Re: The worst pitch ever?
Date: Thu, 30 Oct 1997 12:46:09 +0100
From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hfstud.uio.no)
[previously in EC3: Tromso 3, Chelsea 2 in winter conditions]

Paul Mettewie wrote:
> Has anyone seen a worse pitch (for a major international
> match) than the one for the Italy-Russia contest?

Ruud Gullit would undoubtedly answer "yes" - but it should come as no
surprise that a rasta would prefer grass to snow.

Subject: Re: ON the concept of minnow
Date: 24 Nov 1997 08:39:48 -0500
From: cpearson@freenet.columbus.oh.us (Chuck Pearson)

Paul Mettewie wrote:
: > I guess that makes Macao something on the order of krill or
: > phytoplankton or something...

: What does that make San Marino?
: Diatomaceous silt?

in my real life, i study electron transfer proteins, and one of our big
questions in our lab is the comparison of plastocyanins from different
plants and algae - we even have a classification system that starts with
higher plants, drops through the algae, and into the blue-green algae and
cyanobacteria.  truly the weirdest of them all comes from this goofy
cyanobacteria called Prochlorothorix, which my boss has taken to calling

anyway, riffster asks "what does this make san marino" and i IMMEDIATELY
think of prochloro-whats-its.

chuck, with your geek interlude for the day.

Subject: Re: Fifa qualify to WC 98 is crazy!!!
Date: 25 Nov 1997 14:28:23 +0100
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

at920@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bri Farenell) writes:
> Why bother having a *World* Cup? Why not just have the European
> Championships and invite a few South American teams? It wouldn't
> be unprecedented. 

It still does, its called the Quarter Final stage, occasionaly some upstart
makes it, but not often enough to actually matter :-)

Subject: Re: Two WC groups I'd be amazed to see
Date: 3 Dec 1997 22:31:00 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Organization: RSS Committee on the Treatment of Neurological Disorders

Benny (Benny@benman.demon.co.uk) wrote:
> >
> > A: Brazil, England, Nigeria, Yugoslavia
> > E: Norway, Hungary, Finland, Azerbaijan
> Stig when did Azerbaijan qualify? I must have missed that one.

Who was it that thought that this could be fixed with a mere lobotomy?

Subject: Re: England fans cleared, Italian hooligans blamed.
Date: Wed, 03 Dec 1997 17:09:04 -0800
From: Colin Morris (cmorris@infoscape.com)

Nick Simoncini wrote:

> Maybe I didn't phrase that correctly. The English have had a patent on
> hooliganism since the 60's, have curbed stadium violence at home
> (thanks to Hillsbrough and partly Heysel), but continue to be a
> disgrace the second they are abroad today.

If the English have a patent on hooliganism, then they should sue
all those countries that have copied their product. It would
be a very lucrative stream of royalties.

Subject: Re: The Rosenborg debate: the cold, hard facts
Date: Sun, 07 Dec 1997 17:16:32 +0100
From: Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hfstud.uio.no)
[EC1: Rosenborg 2, Real Madrid 0]

Max Attar Feingold (maf6@cornell.edu) wrote:

> > > > > Stig Oppedal (stigopp@hfstud.uio.no) spoke thusly:
> > > > > 
> > > > > > It was also amazing how the cold Trondheim air deflected Raul's two
> > > > > > first-half shots over the cross-bar last Wednesday. ;-) 
> > > > >  
> > > > > Wait, weren't you a Manchester United fan?
> > > >
> > > > Didn't you used to post under the name "Max Attar Feingold"?
> > >
> > > Be that as it may, at least I only wear one jacket.  (And it's not
> > > "go MLS!")
> >
> > Fascinating. In Norway we take the different seasons into consideration, 
> > and thus wear several different jackets (spring, winter, etc).
> That's what I thought, although I suspect that this perennial
> shifting of allegiances is characteristic not of an entire nation but
> of some of its individuals.

Er, during the winter it's too cold to wear our spring coats, so we put
on the same winter jacket we've always worn (and looked forward to
donning again). If your sniping is always this off-target, at least I
won't need a flak jacket.

Subject: Re: Will the Vatican State be the next FIFA member???
Date: 9 Dec 1997 07:35:14 GMT
From: mdpaserm@login2.fas.harvard.edu (Marco Paserman)

paulc@easynet.co.uk writes:
>Standards have now reached the point at which the league feels confident
>enough to field a "national team"

This will introduce a whole new meaning to some often misused concepts, like 
conspiracy theories, Hand of God, etc...

Also, if they meet Iran in the next WC, it will generate a flame war that
will eclipse even the current Iran-USA one.

Subject: Re: An administrative question
Date: 10 Dec 1997 11:47:46 -0500
From: cpearson@freenet.columbus.oh.us (Chuck Pearson)

B.A (29253@ac.aup.fr) wrote:
: Can anyone tell me what FIFA's International Board actually does?

grahame jones once wrote that they existed purely to blow hot air out of

Subject: Re: Best 3 club teams in Europe right now
Date: 10 Dec 1997 20:15:55 GMT
From: stokkerm@cosy.sbg.ac.at (Karel Stokkermans)

Juan Grana (Juan.Grana@oriel.oxford.ac.uk) writes: 
> My point exactly. In holland you can describe the teams likely to
> dominate the league as the top-3... and some will say that this is a
> competitive league.

In England you can describe the teams likely to dominate the league
as Manchester United...

Subject: Futbolmetrics--the Barbarian index
Date: 14 Dec 1997 04:16:00 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

The Barbarian index in futbol is defined as

[100 - C]/[1 + (D-D')]

where C is the percentage of cracking tackles that were complained 
about, D is the percentage of dives that were complained about, and D' is 
the percentage of such complaints that are erroneous.

Subject: Re: Australia 3 vs Mexico 1
Date: 16 Dec 1997 21:44:10 GMT
From: marcelo@apollo.HP.COM (Marcelo Weinberger)

Fonseca's progressively deteriorating form over the years, together
with the increasing quality of the clubs he plays for (from the worst
club in the world to Cagliari to Napoli to Roma to Juve) is the ultimate
proof that Paco Casal is able to sell you whatever he wants. If Fonseca
keeps moving North, he may end up where he currently belongs: some Swiss