All P.O.W. presentations by Ariel Mazzarelli, except for "Dallas v Columbus"
(presented by Dustin Christmann).

[-] P.O.W. meant as a flame
[+] P.O.W. meant as a compliment
 *  P.O.W. nominee 

Jan 21, 1996	[-] Denmark Euro'96 prediction (mm940179)
Jan 26, 1996* 	[-] "America" (Dustin Christmann)
Jan 26, 1996* 	[-] "Soccer" or "Football" (Jonathan Anil Thripuraneni)
Jan 31, 1996	[+] Rankings (gmoralej)
May  6, 1996 	[-] Dallas v Columbus (Boz Sabeti) + "I wish I spruckened ze deutsch" 
May 26, 1996	[+] The mighty Brazilians (Francesco Giovannoni)
Jun 14, 1996	[+] The professional foul (David Kaiser)
Jun 28, 1996	[-] New tie-breaker proposal (Peter Phung)
Jul 11, 1996	[-] Peru 0, Argentina 0 (Reuters)
Jul 19, 1996	"The Olympics come to RSS--the Dan Quayle Event" 

From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: RSS Post of the Week  [Denmark Euro'96 prediction] 
Date: January 21, 1996 
With the Eurocopa only a few months away, we are certain to see more and more 
outlandish claims among the various competing factions. 
Now, it may seem a little silly to view RSS predictions as entirely reliable, 
given the partisanship that is the life and breath of this forum. Favorites 
of the recent past have been Croatia and Bulgaria, and now, it would seem, 
Portugal. So that's RSS for you. 
On the other hand, the bookies would have you put your guilders on the Dutch. 
Having keenly gauged the parameters at use here, it is thus in the spirit of 
penile comparison that a fairly anonymous poster, mm940179 (i), apparently 
residing in Northeast Wales, has made a solemn promise to this group, that 
evokes the classic tale of that well-endowed young man from Nantucket. 
Although this week's competition has not been particularly stiff, this week's 
winner is notable for the metric conciseness of his reply (and alas, not for 
his quote/reply ratio). Without further ceremony, I present to you the 
From: mm940179 (i)  
Subject: Re: EURO 96..surely we will do it again!!!  
Date: 19 Jan 1996 says...  
>Yeah.....I totally agree with you.. D E N M A R K will do it again.  
> (viper) wrote:  
>>Surely Denmark will win the euro 96.  
>>Results: Denmark-Portugal:2-0 Denmark-Croatia: 2-1 Denmark-Turkey: 3-0  
>>This is gonna be the group results!!!!  
>>What remains of teams...WALKOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>>EUROPEAN CHAMPION 96:For the second time in a row..DENMARK!!!  
>>If we meet Spain......naaaa...that`s not gonna happen...hopefully!!!  
>>Mikkel Beck forever!!!!  
If Denmark win the Euro Championships I will suck my own prick 

From: (Andrew Fenton)  
Subject: Re: RSS Post of the Week
Date: Jan 24, 1996 (Ariel Mazzarelli) wrote:  
>If Denmark win the Euro Championships I will suck my own prick 
I've archived this, good people, so prepare for humiliation if the 
outsiders do sneak it :-)) 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)  
Subject: Re: RSS Post of the Week
Date: Jan 25, 1996 
Ahem... I'd just like to clarify that the ambitious conditional stated above 
was not made by me, only quoted. In fact, let me make this perfectly clear: 
I will never perform a sexual act based solely on Denmark's futbol performance. 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)  
Subject: Re: RSS Post of the Week
Date: Jan 26, 1996 
Marcelo Weinberger wrote:  
>Colin Morris writes:  
>> [Andrew Fenton's post] 
>>If Denmark do win, I think we should demand that this guy perform his  
>>feat on Wembley Way, immediately after the final... 
>Before this thread develops, we should point out that Andrew Fenton  
>simply misquoted, as usual in rss: Ariel didn't write the above  
>sentence. Rather, he proposed it as the post of the week. The original  
>poster was deleted when he edited the message. 
Yes, but in an excessively freudian slip, Colin demonstrated a disturbing 
eagerness to see this feat. Has he already exhausted the services of the 
San Francisco Bay Area's rentaboy industry? 
PS: I would consider wanking@wembley immediately after knocking in a gol 
with the same hand, though, right into the net, and I don't care if it gives 
the locals a woody. 

From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: Re: Attention, Ariel! (was Re: BRAZIL BEATS USA WITH LATINO PLEASUR)
Date: Jan 26, 1996

"\"Neon\" Dustin Christmann"  wrote:

>Frankly, any post that tells Americans to go home while referencing a tour-
>nament in the United States is clearly and unequivacably RSFC Post o' the
>Week material.

>Armando Prugue wrote:
>> Once again a southamerican team beats the so-called American team.
>>        Destroying any hopes for a decent future presentation in
>> Soutamerica, to be honest I don,t know what they are doing as
>> participants of the American Cup(better known as COPA AMERICA).
>> Americans:                                  GO HOME!!!!!!

Unfortunately, Dustin, there are millions lots of Americans that have never
set foot in the USA. Judging from your e-mail address (the .ca part), that
should be obvious to ya. There was also a clue when Armando wrote "so-called
American team." As if that was not enough, he then asked (quite sarcastically)
what the USA team was doing in Copa America (he even used caps).

Maybe I should start a thread titled "Americo Vespucci", but I doubt it would
help; I recall how I would drop that name to my teachers@usa and invariably an
expression of "pattern recognition process unsuccessful" would come over
teacher's face. If that's the teachers, you can imagine the students. Heck,
you can just look in the mirror right now--go ahead, we'll wait--go to the
mirror, say "Americo Vespucci", and look at your expression.

I'm almost tempted to give ya the award, but I already gave it to ya a couple
of months ago. 

The criteria whereby the post could have qualified was in the "ridiculous
taunting" category. I mean, really, a Brasilero bragging about beating the US,
and posting that *after* Mexico beat Brasil 2-0... but the other aspects of
the post (the ones that you saw as deficient) were in fact so clue-giving and
informative in addressing a particularly clueless USA cultural hole, that I
decided that the virtues of the post exceeded its shortcomings.

From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: Re: ARIEL--Post of the Week-- Was Re: Soccer, American football, who cares! 
Date: January 26, 1996 (Keith) wrote: 
> (Jonathan Anil Thripuraneni) suggested: 
>> for the gridiron and 
>> for us. 
>> Also the canadian gridiron can be called 
> If this is the sort of rubbish people have the time to post on R.S.S.--when 
> there's a world of real football issues to debate around the globe--then it 
> would arguably be reasonable to arrive at the opinion that football fans 
> (at least RSSers) are not a very intelligent lot. 
So, heuristically speaking, it is a good post. Rubbish In Correctanswer Out?! 
>This has to be the most tired, boring, uninventive, dull, regurgitated, 
>unimaginative, and dimwitted post (thread) I've already read. Everybody on 
>R.S.S.--I daresay--has "been there, seen it, done that, and got the fucking 
>t-shirt" as far as this subject goes. 
True, but please note the modicum of originality in the Canadian reference. 
>Ariel--this is R.S.S. Post of the Week--at least a good example of this 
>newsgroup at it's abject worst. 
I'm sorry, the post fails on the grounds that I did not read the original. 
As you'll recall, this is meant to encourage proper usage of subject headings, 
and thus, exceptions are only accepted if the contents of the post had 
nothing to do with the subject. 
>Have you noticed how the people who contribute to threads like this are the 
>same ones who never actually write about football? 
Eh, well, one tries to be nice and not say such things. However, if threads 
were old songs, this thread would be like that Rolling Stones song, 
Well we all need someone 
we can LEAN ON 
And if you wanna  
well you can lean on me. 
If you are a standardized test person, 
(It's football not soccer : RSS) :: (misc.test : all newsgroups). 
You must admit, Keith, that the idea that the ABCCBSNBCESPN folks would have 
to read news.answers to find out how to start up 
while RSS becomes RSF, has a certain charm. It is the tedium and effort of 
the enterprise (i.e. the marginal quality of its marginal gain) that makes 
me say "I pass". So instead, I think of this newsgroup's name as one of the 
quaint signposts left by the original explorers, whom, rather than stopping 
dead on their tracks whilst looking for things to be absolutely perfect, made 
do with the tools they had on hand. Hell, my team is called Racing Club. 

PS: btw I saw that Futbol Mundial episode starring Diego, very nice, but 
please, Racing Club is not pronounced "raising clab", it is Racing Club, ok? 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: RSS Post of the Week [Rankings] 
Date: Jan 31, 1996 
In a week when we discovered that ESPN would devote about as much time to 
the whole Eurocopa as it would take to show the Steroid Bowl + pregame + 
postgame package, and the sacred NFL rite itself came, farted, and went, it 
was a minor thread that captured this week's award. Although there were some 
other nominees, the eventual winner belongs in the non-flammable category. 
With piercing efficiency, this week's winner resolves a conundrum that had 
been kicked around in RSS all week, namely: 
what is the easiest way to discover that the ranking folks at FIFA are the 
bartenders at Sepp's favourite watering hole? 
The answer comes to us in the latest awardee of the  
RSS Post of the Week  
From: gmc  
Subject: Re: World Club rankings (info) 
Date: 29 Jan 1996 04:44:11 GMT 
> 1. Milan 
> 2. Juventus 
> 3. Ajax 
> 4. Gremio 
> 5. Parma 
> 6. Paris S.G. 
> 7. La Corun~a  
> 8. River Plate 
> 9. Bayern 
>10. Borussia Dortmund  

I'm pretty surprised to learn that Deportivo de a Corunha ranks higher in 
the world than in the Spanish league. 

From: (Dustin Christmann) 
Subject: Achtung Ariel! (Re: Soccer AGAIN at it's worst: Dallas v Columbus) 
Date: May 6, 1996 
Many fans of the Beautiful Game know that even in a scoreless draw, there 
often is a thing of beauty and excitement. While this tenet would likely not 
apply to the USA '94 final between Italy and Brazil, in many other cases the 
outcome is truly unindicative of the nature of the match. 
Certainly in the dance that is the game of futbol, there is often much 
flirtation without consummation. And certainly a mere result cannot 
adequately convey the ebb and flow of a match or the moments that cause the 
fan to draw a breath at the sight of beauty in the making. Without seeing a 
match through one's own eyes or the eyes of a trusted acquaintance, a result 
is a flat representation of the real thing, like so many snapshots. 
It has been suggested in this erudite forum that North Americans lack the 
deeper appreciation for this and thus, cannot truly appreciate futbol for 
what it is. While I normally disagree with this assessment in general, I 
often find it to be true in specific cases. However, it is unusual that 
I find such a case in this very forum. 
Thus, on the weight of the first paragraph, I nominate the referenced 
article as RSS Post of the Week. 
(And yes, I was there.) 
Boz Sabeti  wrote: 
>Thankfully, I did not witness the apparently-dismal game today in Dallas 
>between the Burn and Columbus. Luckily for others also, the game was not 
>televised anywhere. I pity the great 35,000 fans that were on hand at the 
>Cotton Bowl to see two teams play 90 worthless and action-less minutes 
>just to have it all decided in a couple of minutes in a silly shootout. 
>Congratulations to the Dallas Burn for once again creating a reason for 
>the Dallas media to ignore soccer. In the Burn's last game I saw, in 
>Tampa against the Mutiny, they scored 2 goals but they both came off 
>free-kicks. Of course we all know about the infamous Dallas home opener 
>(now known as the "grass growing contest". 
>A total of 60,000 people have attended the Burn's two weekend home games, 
>and they have been treated to two disgusting non-offensive performances.  
>Now I'm very curious, can someone out there that went to these games 
>please enlighten us with their views on this subject? 

Subject: I wish I spruckened ze deutsch (was: Re: Achtung Ariel!) 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: May 9, 1996 
First of all, it's totally unfair to ask me to make this call since I do not 
read this newsgroup nowadays. I am a victim of bandwidth. So, in particular, 
I am unable to judge the other candidates. 
Secondly, Dustin you dragged me from reading Nietzsche and listening to the 
Chieftains just for this. Just so you know. Now onto the matter at hand. 
I don't know, man. Sure, it's ignorant to post about a game one did not see, 
specially if one is assuming that the game was not exciting. One *could* 
assume that there were some awful technical lapses and get away with it, 
but excitement can take place even in leagues where the technique resembles 
what would take place if the ball were a cube (there'll always be an England). 
So, right there, you have a definite Post of the Week candidate. The .sig 
OTOH is as we say "right on", but since it's not a futbol .sig, it's not 
admitted as a character reference and the court rules "Post of the Week". 
PS: Mna na h Eireann... you can hear Sinead O'Connor singing it nowadays, 
and that's a powerful beautiful lass for a powerful beautiful air. But if 
you wonder "hmm haven't I heard this before", it's on Chieftains 4, and also 
part of the soundtrack of "Barry Lyndon", which has to be the most beautiful 
movie ever made. It's strange, isn't it, that a little tune should hop 
through so many central aesthetic nodes... so when you see the Irish play 
yet another dreadful game of futbol, when you boldly predict "Norway-Ireland 
will be the worst game of the cup" and you don't even feel like bragging 
about being correct, listen to this little air and you too will forgive 
the green hoofers for using up their aesthetic reserves writing prose, poetry 
and music. 
PPS: So ya say that reading RSS brings ya down, and ya wonder "what the fuck 
are we all doing here." Our friend Nietzsche comes to the rescue, with entry 
137 in "Mixed Opinions and Maxims": "The worst readers are those who proceed 
like plundering soldiers: they pick up a few things they can use, soil and 
confuse the rest, and blaspheme the whole." Of course for RSS what are the 
'worst' readers in Friedrich's sense would be the 'best' readers, but the 
beautiful thing about our man is that he was never shy about changing his 
mind, even in print. 
PPPS: Short-attention-span-envious-ones can bite me: Ok, since you're sitting 
there still reading this and you're thinking "Nietzsche better than RSS? 
Surely Ariel has lost it", here's aphorism 92 from "Human, All-Too-Human" 
(and note that this sentence has four quotations marks, one question mark 
(in mid-sentence), three pairs of parenthesis (two of which are nested 
inside the third), three colons, seven single dashes, one double dash, ten 
commas, two abbreviations and NO period--bite me envious ones): 
"Origin of justice. Justice (fairness) originates among those who are 
approximately *equally powerful*, as Thucydides (in the terrible conversation 
between the Athenian and Melian ambassadors) comprehended correctly: where 
there is no clearly recognizable predominance and a fight would mean 
inconclusive mutual damage, there the idea originates that one might come to 
an understanding and negotiate one's claims: the initial character of 
justice is the character of a trade. Each satisfies the other inasmuch as 
each receives what he esteems more than the other does. One gives another 
what he wants, so that it becomes his, and in return one receives what one 
wants. Thus justice is repayment and exchange on the assumption of an 
approximately equal power position; revenge originally belongs in the 
domain of justice, being an exchange. Gratitude, too. 
Justice naturally derives from prudent concern with self-preservation; that 
means, from the egoism of the consideration: 'Why should I harm myself 
uselessly and perhaps not attain my goal anyway? ' 
So much on the *origin* of justice. In accordance with their intellectual 
habits, men have *forgotten* the original purpose of so-called just, fair 
actions, and for millenia children have been taught to admire and emulate 
such actions. Hence it has gradually come to appear as if a just action were 
unegoistic; but the high esteem for it depends on this appearance, and this 
esteem; for whatever is highly esteemed becomes the object of striving, 
emulation, and multiplication, coupled with many sacrifices, and grows 
further because the value of the effort and zeal is added by every 
individual to the value of the thing he esteems. 
How little the world would look moral without forgetfulness! A poet might 
say that God made forgetfulness the guard he placed at the threshold of 
human dignity." 
I specially like the last paragraph. Translation by Walter Kaufmann, whose 
essays are also fun to read. 

Subject: RSS Post of the Week [The mighty Brazilians] 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: May 26, 1996 
Not being a parent, I can only guess (but I suspect it is a good guess) that 
when parents see their children walk out the door, they fear what might 
happen to them. They know the world is a dangerous, nasty place full of 
traps and just plain bad luck. 
I feel the same way when I have to leave RSS for a spell. I worry that if 
the usual suspects are not properly roasted, they soon breed like crowded 
rabbits, and before you know it, the newsgroup content drops below the usual 
(Avogadro's number)^-1. 
Which brings us to this week's winner. In the middle of an unusually idiotic 
thread, featuring the fine efforts of some dude that I can't even name 
because he can't decide how to forge his e-mail address, and an incoherent 
Russian, and a hopelessly outdated subject line, we find the following gem. 
I suspect that someday I'll be flaming this week's winner, but on this day 
I will merely recognize that when a newbie@stanfurd produces a fine post, 
it shows us that RSS is always full of surprises. Without further ado, I 
present to you the 
RSS Post of the Week  
From: francesco giovannoni  At Inter he had to share the same jersey as Pistone, Ganz, old Bergomi,  
> Fontolan, Festa, and other wood-legged players. The only players at the whole  
> Inter roster that have ability to play at Palmeiras are Zanetti for sure, and  
> maybe Ince and Branca. That may have made Carlos life a bit more difficult.  
> BTW, did you see Juventus-Ajax game? I think watching this game is enough to  
> clear any doubt about the quality of European soccer, if those are the best  
> teams, I don't want to see the rest.  
Ok brasilian teams are great, the best! wasn't that obvious? nobody can 
even DARE play against them, gremio was just unlucky, it must have had at 
least 100 shots on goal against ajax and still managed not to win. 
now, that really was a scandal! 
i formally propose to abolish the world cup and the intercontinental cup 
since it wouldn't be fair to let the "masters" play against lesser teams 
from other continents, after all they are the best players in the world, 
especially as far as shootouts are concerned. 
if a brasilian team wins the copa libertadores, please spare poor juventus, 
don't make them cry under the power of your mighty attack! 
as far as internazionale is concerned, i couldn't agree more with you and i 
formally propose the following: 
1) internazionale's name is changed to "locale" since such a crappy italian 
team doesn't even deserve recognition outside milan, let alone the 
international level 
2) gremio changes its name to SPATIAO flamengo changes its name to 
GALACTICAO fluminense changes its name to MONDIAO and, last but absolutely 
not least, the allmighty sao paulo changes its name to  
or, alternatively, 
oh, and just a question. 
is it true that the fabulous brasilian players have 3 legs, can run at 70km 
per hour and can shoot at 300 km per hour? 
 inferiorly yours 

Subject: RSS Post of the Week [The professional foul] 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: June 14, 1996 
Normally it is in bad form to comment about something that one has not seen, 
but this week's episode involving the fair Alpay Ozalan has been documented 
thoroughly enough to suggest that we know what happened: with about 5 
minutes left in the game, Vlaovic runs toward the Turkish goal in an 
unopposed counterattack, and Ozalan declines the opportunity to stop him 
using a rugby tackle which, though a red-card offense, would nonetheless 
have saved his team from defeat. 
Now we see all sorts of reactions to this action. On the UEFA corps, they 
praise the boy for adhering to the letter of the laws of the game, while 
back home, they chastise him for neglecting to adhere to its spirit--at 
least, the spirit as we know it today. Ask the gentlemen of yore, and they 
might tell you that fair was the way the game was played then--or they might 
tell you that the referee brought a pistol to augment the aural dimensions 
of his whistle. 
So the question remains--Ozalan, friend or fool? The question permits the 
answer "both", but I'd prefer a less facile resolution. 
Personally, I have always admired the fine talent required from a defender 
to determine the nature of the necessary foul. This is the foul that must 
be committed, as demanded by the tactical needs of the game. It need not be 
a violent foul--indeed, it should be as non-violent as possible, as there is 
no requirement to injure the opponent, rather, just to stop him from scoring 
a crucial goal. The judgement must be made correctly, instantaneously, and 
the defender will have to live with the decision for the rest of his days. 
A master of this technique is Ruggeri--indeed, he understands it so well 
that he oftens manages to make the necessary foul while it is only a 
yellow-card offense. His most famous example was of the red-card variety, 
however, and it took place in 1993, when Argentina played a WC '94 
qualification match against Paraguay in Asuncion, and near the end of the 
first half, as Caba~as raced toward the goal unopposed, Ruggeri reached up 
and grabbed the opponent's ponytail--a red card, to be sure, but a necessary 
red card. Argentina went on to win that game, and in retrospect, that result 
was crucial in Argentina's qualification. 
One definitely gets the impression that if Turkey had put Ruggeri into the 
game instead of Ozalan, then Croatia would not have scored on that 
particular play. 
So I don't know if we should get rid of the necessary foul. It is part of 
the lore of the game. After all, there is something unfair about a team being 
totally boxed in, then getting lucky on a long ball with some attacker being 
left all alone against the opposing goalkeeper. However, it is an infraction 
after all, and by and large, we try to avoid scenarios where the infraction 
is the most skillful play. The ice hockey folks figured this out long ago, 
and put in a rule that is the suggestion of this week's selection. For 
crystallizing the essence of the matter at hand, the attached is selected 
 RSS Post of the Week 
From: Your Address (Your User Name)  
Subject: Re: Euro96 - Croatia goal helped by rule changes  
Date: 14 Jun 1996 13:28:25 GMT 
This is an interesting controversy. As a former ref, I've always thought 
that FIFA didn't make quite the proper rule change. Instead of a red card 
when a player is fouled by the last defender (or goalkeeper), why not award 
a penalty no matter where the foul took place? Send the guy off if it was 
flagrantly violent, but only then. (For instance, Pagliuca against Norway, 
WC 94--why not just give a penalty?) 
 Comments? David Kaiser 
Subject: RSS Post of the Week [New tie-breaker proposal] 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: June 28, 1996 
I believe that this week's winner needs no further introduction than to 
announce it as the 
RSS Post of the Week 
From: Peter Phung  Well, after very careful study of much discussion around rss 
> about these matters, I think I have finally found the solution, 
> and I want to offer it here, in the same spirit as all the other 
> tentative solutions offered. It's so simple, it's got to be right. 
> It is a consensus that the so called "golden goal" rule has had 
> an effect opposite to the one sought. Teams are so afraid of allowing 
> a goal that they are happy to hang on near their goals and wait for 
> some fortunate scoring chance. 
> Well, the way to achieve the desired effect should then be to take 
> the opposite road to the "golden goal" (if A implies NotB, then 
> NotA implies B; there's logic for you!): the team to lose should 
> be the first one to score. 
> This way, no team will be afraid of the other's attack, and they 
> will be free to go ahead and send their ten men in an all-out offensive 
> (Did I say ten? Eleven!). No more defensive schemes, everyone will 
> be 200% offensively oriented, and I can guarantee that penalties shoot-outs 
> will be rarely needed (and if they are, maybe players of the opposite 
> team can execute them... though I'm not sure about this one). 
Huh? You must like volleyball or something. So a team attacks 200% then 
what?? purposely not score?? A team runs all the way to the byline then.. 
then... umm...Huh?? 
I will always ponder, what was so wrong with the old 30 minutes (No 
sudden-death) extra-time and then penalties? Please tell me...Cause all 
these crap ideas are getting into the heads of FIFA and they may listen. 
They already listen to the 'golden goal' rule which is crap. 
The only 'full' international match I've seen decided by this new rule is 
the SE Asian Games semi-final where Vietnam beat Burma. So what's that, at 
least 1/10? *sigh* 

Subject: RSS Post of the Week [Reuters: Peru 0, Argentina 0] 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: July 11, 1996 
Recently, Shaggy was complaining that here on RSS an English fan did not 
have a chance. 
Ok, fair enough. It is no longer the case that the newsgroup is inundated 
with inane provincial commentary that equates the status of futbol on that 
small cloudy island with the rest of the planet (and, in some particularly 
demented instances, actually places above that). 
Hmm... come to think of it... well let's just say it's more of a push than 
it used to be. 
However, surely the professional information services will do better? 
Well, here I submit to you a recent gem by Reuter. Note the envious tone of 
the last paragraph. I wonder if the complaint by the journalist of 
"petulance" promises that in the next few weeks we will see an article from 
Reuter urging people to stop eating that nasty Argentinean beef. One might 
also wonder about the timing of raising issues of "fair play" given the 
recent return of 'Wembley luck'--not to mention the unfortunate juxtaposition 
of a clamor for better futbol in South America with the recent Eurocopa. 
Also noteworthy of comparison is the high regard for Maestri's performance 
in this article, which (putting it mildly) was not shared by about a dozen 
Peruvian reports submitted to the Latin American futbol mailing list. 
Personally, I cannot recall having read a more misinformative futbol article 
than the one you will find below, taking into consideration that it does not 
come from the "clueless" part of the world. Perhaps it is time to redefine 
that particular partitioning, because in fact even in the USA we do not get 
this stuff. 
Another article of recent vintage by Reuter gave a long report about the 
final of Copa Libertadores between River Plate and America de Cali. At the 
end of the article, where the team lineups were listed, the America squad 
was referred to as "U.S.". I kid you not, they thought America stood for USA. 
So my advice to folks like Shaggy would do well to pick up the phone and 
make a local call to their journalists to let them know that these 
transparent attempts to demean their betters will only accrue an even more 
unfortunate reputation than the headlines in presumably less-reputable 
publications--which can at least be dismissed as "well that's just the 
tabloids you know". 
Perhaps then when the newbies come into RSS they won't be expecting the rest 
of us to believe such tripe. Without further ado, I present to you the  
RSS Post of the Week 
(c) 1996 Reuter Information Service 
Argentina, Peru draw 0-0 in World Cup qualifier 
LIMA, Peru (Jul 7, 1996 - 20:29 EST) - Desperate defending earned Argentina 
a 0-0 draw against an unlucky Peru on Sunday in a soccer World Cup qualifying 
match after striker Abel Balbo was sent off in the 30th minute. 
A hard-working Peruvian team, urged on by a capacity 45,000-strong crowd in 
Lima's National Stadium, constantly pressed Argentina but could not convert 
its numerous chances into the single goal that would have decided the match. 
Argentina, who played without their top-scorer Gabriel Batistuta, were 
resigned to defend from the moment Balbo's vengeful lunge at Jose Carranza 
saw his early exit. 
And with sole remaining forward Claudio Cannigia ineffective, the South 
American giants only achieved one shot at goal all game. 
"This result is really unjust," said Peru's coach Juan Carlos Oblitas. "Only 
one team tried to play." 
Cannigia - himself cautioned for elbowing - blamed his team's lackluster 
display on the Balbo sending off. 
"Once we had a player thrown out, it was always going to be difficult," 
he said. 
Against a 10-man side, Peru found space down both flanks to create good 
opportunities but a lack of precision in front of goal meant they wasted a 
slew of chances. 
They came closest to scoring in the 66th minute when Roberto Palacios - put 
through by a flicked header from Flavio Maestri - flashed a low drive 
against the post. 
Maestri caused persistent problems for an experienced Argentine defense and 
it was his diving header that brought the best out of goalkeeper German 
Burgos with a reflex save in the 60th minute. 
And when, in the last minute, after a goal-mouth scramble captain Juan 
Reynoso struck a shot against Burgos, it seemed Peru were destined to fulfill 
their familiar role as also-rans in the World Cup qualifying campaign. 
But while the Peruvians now have two points from three matches, Argentina is 
also struggling after so far winning only once against Bolivia. 
Yet, if the Argentines continue to display such a knack to irritate both 
the opposition and referee with their constant off-the-ball fouls and 
petulance, FIFA, with its penchant for "fair play," will not miss the 
three-time world champions [sic] in the finals in France in 1998. 

Subject: The Olympics come to RSS--the Dan Quayle Event 
From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: July 19, 1996 
Normally I would wait until the end of the year to hand this out, but a 
recent post and the refreshing Olympic spirit have triggered me into action. 
In spite of stiff competition, I believe that there are three clear 
candidates for this award. The rules are as follows: I make the nomination 
(it's my idea so I get to do it), and then you can vote--if you like, you 
can give your reasoning as a followup to this announcement. In order for 
your vote to count, however, you must send it to my mailbox with the  
subject "Dan Quayle Vote". The participants are not allowed to vote, but 
they can post to help other RSSers make their choice. 
In case you have forgotten (or you never knew), Dan Quayle was chosen by 
George Bush to be his Vice President in the 1988 campaign. Over the years, 
Dan said many things to form a well-defined image of himself. 
The nominees are: 
1. we still do not understand how he got into Stanford, 
but we strongly suspect bribery and nepotism--a famous Quayle trait. 
2. MJP@canada: His hapless attempt to forge his posting address was 
representative of what we have come to expect from this long-suffered RSSer, 
but his entrance into true Quaylehood is best seen when he follows up a post 
in a tone that by virtue of vehemence and cadence suggests that a refutation 
is being stated--while in fact giving something completely off the point and 
seriously deviating from sense or fact. 
3. Benny@uk: This boy's cluelessness was just standard RSS fare--specially 
when we consider his inexperience--until he dared fly among the Quayle with 
the probing question: "Now how many people out there have heard of Peņarol?" 
The voting will continue until the end of the month, at which time there 
will be a medal ceremony. There will be no doping test. Let the games begin!